Save Your Marriage

wm low & partners advocates & solicitors commissioners for oaths a family and criminal law practice

SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE

All relationships require constant nurturing. After marriage, most couples take each other for granted. Stress arisng from work, stress arising from the birth of a child, differences of opinions in dealing with teenage children, unreasonable interference by in-laws, financial mismanagement, may strain the relationship between the couples. From the woman's viewpoint, the man lacks understanding, spends too much time at his career, does not do housework or enough housework, is not a good provider in terms of financial and emotional support, does not show care or concern for her or for the children, are the frequent complaints.

The men on the other hand often feel that their wives are too interfering, too possessive, do not understand their stress at work or in coping with their career, incessant nagging, unnecessary and unreasonable reprimands, impossible demands.

In some cases, the differences lead to quarrels and fights. Intimate association with a third party friend or colleague even not amounting to adultery, lead to more misunderstanding.

In some other instances, the cracks start with a minor misunderstanding. Poor communication aggravates the situation. If the bonding is not strong, the parties drift apart, and often avoid speaking to each other. Suspicion and unsubstantiated allegations widen the rift, making a re-conciliation difficult.

Some suggestions:

1. Swallow your pride.

Often parties are too proud to admit their shortcomings and mistakes made. They are too quick to take on a defensive position. Swallowing one's pride is in the interest of all parties. The dent on the ego is painful, but it spares both parties more agony;

2. Speak to your spouse early.

If there is a major issue, discuss and reach a consensus early. The decision may be wrong, but if it had been deliberated before, both parries should support and carried it through, without complaints.

3. Be slow to criticize and complaint

It is only human to complain about person's mistake, some do it more often than others. We should however always note that nobody wants to do badly in whatever we do. Failure and mistakes are however part and parcel of life. We need to accept and take responsibility and move on. One should take resposibility for the spouse's mistake. You married him or her and you should have enough love to suffer the consequence of his or her mistake.

4. Perseverance

Some differences are minor-solve these first, some are major and cannot be resolved easily. There must be perseverance and courage. It is not the solution that saves the marriage, for after every problem solved there would be another. That is the nature of life itself. It is the perseverance that makes the difference, that gives hope and that makes life meaning.

5. Take responsibility

In every relationship, we must take responsibility. The purpose of work is for a future and better tomorrow. If the work affects the quality of life and being about unhappiness often, the work actually loses its purpose. One should not be enslaved by work, although it is easily said than done. Without a happy marriage, it would affect the quality of work. The promises made whether to a spouse or innocent child must be fulfilled.

6. Defend your spouse

Often, family members do not know the details of the relationship. Parents side their children and siblings side each other. This is human nature, and they do it out of love and care. However such act is harmful as it aggravate the misunderstanding between the spouse. As such it is prudent to leave the family members out of any dispute. A family member who really care for their member should be objective.

Always bear the following in mind (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7):

" Love is patient

Love is kind

It does not boast

It is not proud,

It is not self seeking

It is not easily angered

It keeps no record of wrongs

Love does not delight in evil

But rejoices with the truth

It always protects, always trusts,

Always hopes, always perseveres."